Runner Up

A Human Trait - Juliet Dijkstra

“We live in the land of the midnight sun, Alma. Look, there it is,” mamma points at the sun. Her hair appears ephemeral in the sunlight, gold dust that could fly away at any moment. “I love you”, saying this she steps onto the turret wall, bare feet pale against the dark stone. She turns to face me one more time, she says something; words blown away by a gust of wind. The sharp intake of a breath, the faint smell of burning meat, one last look and she falls. Mamma lies like an old doll on the ground, broken and in need of repair. Gripping the cold stone wall I watch as her hair turns a rusty red color, no gold remains in her halo. This cold morning isn’t beautiful anymore.
 
Entry #1, September 1 2017
            Our castle belongs to me now. The foreboding fence, the infested moat and these smooth black stones. Sometimes I touch the stones as I walk, trying to glean memories from the small etchings she made on the walls. An alphabet that I’ll never learn. Memories are small movies we keep in our heads, ones that get worn until you forget faces. Give it a few more years and it will be even harder to recall the sound of her voice. That’s the sound I miss the most. But I’m okay, it’s okay, I’ve got other ways to remember her.
 
Entry #2, September 26 2017
            It’s been a while since anyone’s come to visit, that’s probably because I never invite anyone up here. Too much hassle and stress, and I don’t feel like playing the role of hostess anymore. I need to make an appointment with a cleaning company that specializes in cleaning animal farms. Mamma left me a whole barn of them with no instructions, the stables are starting to smell and they’re attracting flies. It disgusts me, in all probability the cesspools are close to full.
 
Entry #3, September 29 2017
            Pulled Pantao is one of the most delectable dishes that exist. I haven’t made any since Mamma died, I think I’ll try to find one of her old cookbooks. Walked to the library just now and lo and behold I’ve got a book titled, “Exquisite Cooking for the Homebody”. The recipe reads
How to cook pulled Pantao
 
Ingredients
1 pantao shoulder (numbers 3-5 are the best)
1 teaspoon Vegetable oil
½ cup Apple cider
2 large cloves of garlic
Instructions
Pour the vegetable oil into a slow cooker
Place the Pantao shoulder in afterward
Stir in some lime juice and brown sugar
Cover and cook on high until the roast shreds easily with a fork
Timewise it should take 5-6 hours
 
Dear Alma, one of the best tips I have for cooking this is that it’s best to leave it overnight. That way the Pantao soaks up the juice and you get a burst of flavor when you eat it.
 
At 6:00 pm I go to check up on the animals. 
 
Each stable has a circular block of wood before the entrance, indicating the type of animal (ethnicity in this case, because our family loves collecting species from all around the world) and the number they’ve been assigned. Mamma, being the diligent caretaker that she was, made sure to feed them exactly as their diet required and gave them antibiotics every morning. In the recipe she mentioned that the animals from barns 3-5 had the best shoulder meat. When I looked at them I did notice that their shoulder areas were very well built, I’d guess that this is the result of the exercise regime that they do every day. When I was smaller I saw that they would sometimes pull something really heavy up into the air and then drop it quickly, I always found it a little odd.
 
Entry #4, October 7 2017
An old man came by today, apparently the animals from stable 6 have contracted kuru. How? I don’t know, I’ve been feeding them exactly as their diet requires, maybe I should re-check the books Mamma left me. This is what she wrote.
 
Feeding the animals in barn 6
Tips
These animals are best known for their fat, in fact the species comes from a very reputable American breeder. They could be compared to the pig, however they are fatter by far. Extra caution needs to be taken with these animals because they tend to be very delicate! No exercising and definitely no walking around! Keep them in their stables! They also tend to be very noisy, if they ever annoy you in the slightest, switch the switch outside their rooms. It makes them docile because it frightens them, so use this only in dire situations.
 
Dietary Requirements
These animals eat carbs, carbs and more carbs. Here is a list of foods that are readily available on the market for these animals.
1.     Meat
2.     Rice
3.     Milk
4.     Sugar
 
Number 4 is a very important dietary need. If these animals don’t get enough sugar they’ll lose their weight, which we don’t want happening. Feed them their favorite foods, which includes Jolly Rancher flavored candy, Pumpkin pie and hamburgers.
 
Well, now I know. I still don’t understand the reason why one of them contracted Kuru though.
 
Entry #5, October 10 2017
I checked up on the animals in stable 6 and I found out why they’ve contracted Kuru! Stable 6 contained two males, both of which have seemed to form a strong bond with the other. It was strange watching them interact because usually these animals would fight for a female but they seemed content sitting with each other. After conducting a strange ritual, it seemed very much like a mating one, albeit a little odd. After that one of them got sick. He got skinnier; the other male on the other hand didn’t have any effects. As time goes by the skinny male gets skinnier and suddenly dies. There is only one male left in stable 6. He ends up pacing the floor and crying a bit, I feel bad for the both of them, they seemed to be really close. Then the male did the strangest thing, he started consuming the dead skinny male. A few more days pass and the second male dies too. After watching these videos I get a sense that these Pantao also have feelings, it makes me feel strange.
 
Entry #6, October 19 2017
Dead things have started littering the castle floor. It’s been a while since anyone but me has been here and I’m definitely not cleaning that up. 
 
Entry #7, October 21 2017
As of late I’ve started feeling a bit sick.
 
Entry #8, 23 October 2017
Whenever I feel this onset of melancholy I burn one of the animals alive. Mamma told me this brings out the flavor but to me it reminds me of her. I remember that faint smell of meat when she died. There is more than one way to remember a person and for me that way is to recreate my senses. The burning of the animal comforts me, its screeching cries remind me of the little lonely girl I once was. I feel a kinship with this dirty being, for a few minutes we both experience what it’s like to lose something so dear to you it feels like an all-consuming fire.
 
Entry #9, October 26 2017
I’m dying. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. The animals are lucky because I’m setting them free. Maybe it’s because I feel guilty. Mamma once said, “New king, new character”, she told me that it was a Filipino proverb that meant, “New leadership always brings new ways”. At first I didn’t understand why she told me that, but now I think I do.
 
Entry #10, October 28 2017
I did some more research about this language called “Filipino” and apparently Pantao means human in Filipino.
 
Entry #11, October 29 2017
All the animals are gone, they left walking on their two feet, backs straight. Carrying children with them. I thought they would come to visit me. They didn’t. I waved at one of the younger ones as he walked past my window, he looked at me, spat at the ground and walked away.
 
Entry #12, October 30 2017
The doctor came today, I’ve got Kuru. But mother told me that the Pantao we ate were different from humans, that they weren’t humans, even though they look just like us. Mama would never lie to me so I can’t possibly be a cannibal, right?
            
Entry #13, October 31 2017

I figured out what Mamma was trying to say when she fell.
 
“Humans lie too”